


Turning of the Tide

by Heavenly_Bodies



Category: Poltergeist: The Legacy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenly_Bodies/pseuds/Heavenly_Bodies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“…when we lose something that important, even if it’s not exactly what we thought it was, it makes us think… about what we have and what it means to us. It’s natural to react to that.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turning of the Tide

**Author's Note:**

> Huge, huge hugs and cuddles to my Kyo, who agreed to read over this even when she thought there would be graphic Derek scenes. *snuggles*
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been, never will be

~~~~~~~~~

_“Since my return from the day on the river, I have known no peace. Though my mind assures me that Lucas was never real, my heart cannot forget his face and I long for all that might have been.”_ Derek sighed as he wrote the words, wishing they weren’t so true. Lucas may not have been real, but his visage and ‘existence’ stirred so many questions and regrets that it didn’t really matter. It had been many years since Derek questioned his place at the Legacy- a state of being that was fact if not fate- but that did not mean there weren’t other things, other aspects of his life that he questioned.

There was a soft knock on the hard oak door to Derek’s office; the wood making even the unassuming sound resonate with import. “Come in,” he called and laid down his pen, closing the familiar pages of his Legacy journal. He looked up when there was no immediate answer to find Nick standing in the doorway watching him.

Nick waited for Derek to lean back in his seat, a sign that he truly wasn’t interrupting the man. “I would ask you how you’re doing,” the young man said as he walked over to Derek’s desk, “but I know what you’re going to say.”

Derek’s mouth quirked fondly. “You do?”

“Mmm,” he nodded, and leaned against the desk. “You’re going to assure me that you’re fine and that we should all stop worrying.” He caught Derek’s smile and shared it. “And if the girls were here, you’d top it off with a rakish smirk and ask after Kat to change the subject.”

Derek chuckled softly. “Rakish? Nick, really?” he asked with faux innocence.

The young man smiled his own amused smile. “Yeah, rakish.” Still smiling, he shook his head. “Trust ‘rakish’ to be what you take away from that conversation.”

“Well, what else could I have?” The older man asked playfully.

Nick had known Derek a long time- as a colleague, as a mentor, and as a friend- and in that time he liked to think he learned to read Derek, at least in some small ways. “Derek… you’d make a great father.”

He smiled sadly at his protégé. “Some things we may never truly know.”

“I _know_. Derek, I _know_. You’ve brought us all together, given us a family. I’ve seen how you are. You would be an amazing father.”

Somehow that seemed to be the right and wrong thing to say. He could tell his words comforted the older man, but they also seemed to distance him, push him away. 

“Derek?”

“Hm. Oh. Thank you, Nick.” He sighed quietly, and made no move to answer Nick further. How could he? There were many things he had given up in order to be a part of the Legacy, but Nick was right they- he, Alex, Rachel and Kat, and Phillip- were his family and he treasured them. Still there were some things, some _one_ that he wanted deeply and the entire incident with Lucas, his “ _son_ ,” had only served to remind him of the “could of”s in his life- including the pink elephant of a ‘could of’ right in front of him.

“Derek, come on, what’s wrong?”

Derek looked at Nick, hard, as if painting a mental picture of him, and arguing with himself harder than he had in a long time over what and how much to tell the young man.

“Nick-”

“Listen, Derek-”

They started at the same time.

Derek chuckled. “You first.”

Nick shook his head, but forged on. “You don’t have to talk to me. You don’t have to talk to any of us. But you’re not alone either; let someone in.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

“God, Derek, it _is_ that simple.” He waited a few moments while Derek seemed to study the air in front of him. “You know where to find me,” he said finally as he got up to leave, trying to hide the full level of his frustration.

Derek’s eyes shot to the door as it clicked shut behind the young man. He didn’t need a vision to know things could not go on like this forever- he either reburied his feelings or acted on them.

\---

“How is he?” Rachel asked Nick, when he came into the large living room.

Nick made a humphing grunting sound. “He’s Derek- obstinate, self-martyring, isolated.”

“Sounds familiar,” Alex teased.

Rachel didn’t try to hide her amusement. There were so many ways the two men were alike and not all of them good.

“Haha, very funny.” He smiled at the two women. “Seriously, though, I’m worried about him. I’ve seen Derek in just about every state, but this,” he shook his head as if trying to shake loose some feeling or memory, “this is darker.”

“Well, he has every reason to be going through the grieving process,” Rachel offered, ever the voice of reason.

“No, Rachel; it’s more than that. There’s something else… I just… can’t put my finger on it.”

“You want me to try and talk to him?” Rachel asked, giving Nick’s arm a reassuring squeeze.

Nick shook his head. “Nah.” He looked back toward the Precept’s office. “Give him his space.”

“And you?” she asked.

“I’ll give him space, too.”

“No, Nick.” She chuckled mildly. “You wanna talk?”

Nick looked over to where Alex was thumbing through a journal of some sort. “Maybe later,” he said, surprising himself by meaning it.

\------

The air was cool, crisp with the breeze from the bay kicking up to whip playfully at Derek’s hair as he looked out over the water along the fence where only days ago he’d scattered the ashes of someone he thought to be Laura Dumond.

“I thought I might find you here.” Rachel spoke quietly as she came up alongside him.

“Is everything all right?” Derek asked, concern piqued by her presence.

“I don’t know. Is it?” she asked meaningfully.

He knew what she was implying; that the others were still worried about him. He didn’t answer; simply looking out over the water as it calmly lapped the shores.

“Nick’s really worried about you,” Rachel tried, hoping invoking the young man’s concern would teased out a reaction.

That drew a smirk from the man. “I’ll be fine, Rachel. Not to worry.”

“You know, Derek, when we lose something that important, even if it’s not exactly what we thought it was, it makes us think… about what we have and what it means to us. It’s natural to react to that.”

“Of course it is.”

Rachel turned to lean against the fence. “What I mean, Derek, is, what’s stopping you?”

For the first time since she’d arrived Derek met her eyes.

“Derek, life’s too short and too uncertain for regrets- our lives doubly so.” She lay a hand over his where it rested on the fence.

Derek smiled softly and looked back out to the sea- silent.

“Do me and yourself and him a favour, take a good hard look around you before you push it all back down and pretend it was never there.”

Taking a deep breath, he began, “Rachel, I-”

She stopped him, raising her hands placatingly. “No, I’ve said my piece.” She followed Derek’s gaze out over the bay and they watched the sunlight dance on the water’s surface. “Besides,” she began after a while; “I’m not the one you need to explain things to,” bumping his shoulder lightly to emphasize her point.

Derek let out a somewhat amused huff. “Is it that obvious?”

Rachel looked at him. She wanted to scream, _‘Yes!’_ at the top of her lungs even though she knew it wasn’t. Instead she sighed and wound her arm through his. “No. You’re too good at the mask. But sometimes, when you know the signs, they’re there.” She laid her head against his shoulder and squeezed his arm. “Do something while you have the chance.”

“Is that your professional opinion?”

She smiled, “And a friendly one.”

Derek nodded once and gave her arm a gentle squeeze in acknowledgement.

\------

It was early, before dawn, the sun was just beginning to tease its way onto the horizon before exploding into the vibrant reds and oranges the day promised and Nick was wide awake. Sure, as a former SEAL his body was used to early mornings exercising in the brisk air and clearing his head, but this was different. This was the wide awake that came from thinking all night and not being able to sleep. Ever since his run in with Lucas a part of his mind had been side tracked and now that he was no longer a threat that track was veering further and further into the oncoming lanes of traffic, disrupting and bulldozing any other thoughts as it went. It was a simple thought- the most annoying ones often are, just a concept or two thrown together to create a landslide of ideas- the thought of ‘losing Derek’. The seed had been planted innocently enough by Lucas and his barbs, though no doubt he hadn’t intended it, but then to come so close, yet again, to losing the man had shook him internally and to his mounting frustration the feeling was not dissipating. So here he was in the wee hours of the mourning making his way through the gardens towards the island’s rocky shoreline hoping a run would help ease his mind.

Derek had been up most of the night fighting his own demons and had come down to the water’s edge to try to calm his own restless mind. He hadn’t expected to run into the focal point of his internal demonic debates, but Nick’s approaching form was undeniable. Derek believed in many things, he believed that things happened for a reason, he believed in God and in powers that he couldn’t always understand- that was not to say God was the answer to everything or even that it was the same power that drove events towards a given end, but something fate, God, nature, or possibly luck seemed to be giving him a push, and far be it for him to ignore such a swift kick in the ass.

“You’re up early,” he said, smiling as Nick approached.

“Needed to clear my head.”

“Seems to be going around.” He nodded at the space next to him. “Have a seat. It should be a beautiful sunrise.”

Nick looked down at the offered seat and then across the water towards the horizon. Something in the air told him this was it, his chance to put those thoughts to rest one way or another. Sitting on the beach, watching the sunrise- it was the kind of things lovers did. Nick closed his eyes, he’d even daydreamed about this, sitting on this very spot leaned close to Derek, his hand squeezing the inside of his thigh absently, while Derek’s arm draped protectively, lovingly over his shoulders. He sighed inwardly and opened his eyes to see Derek’s warm face smiling softly at him.

“What’s on your mind, Nick?”

“Was just thinking about all the chances in our lives. The risks we take and the ones we don’t. We, the Legacy, put our lives on the line without question, but when it comes to our private lives and our hearts we guard it, afraid to even test the waters.”

“Sometimes it seems easier, less painful, to lose our lives than our hearts.”

“It’s stupid,” Nick said flatly.

Derek though about Laura and the son he almost had, the pain at losing her, and the joy they had. It was the world’s perverse system of checks and balances, you took the lows with the highs or you stayed at the status quo, you lived and loved or you simply existed. Derek knew his choice, regrets and all. He looked over at Nick, who was watching him intently. “What?”

He met Derek’s warm eyes and bit the bullet. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Derek felt his heart jump at the words and his hand went out to stroke along Nick’s hair. “Nick,” he breathed softly.

Nick smiled and slowly let out the breath he’d been unconsciously holding. He edged closer to the older man, until he could turn and lean his body comfortably against Derek’s chest with his arm around him in a loose embrace.

As long broad splashes of orange and purple streaked the sky Derek squeezed Nick to him and kissed the side of his head. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the end of this particular internal battle, maybe it was the feeling of contentment of having Nick in his arms, whatever the cause it was a truly spectacular sunrise.


End file.
